Top 100 Facts About Trandafira

1. Trandafira can speak braille.
2. Once a cobra bit Trandafira’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
3. Superman owns a pair of Trandafira pajamas.
4. Trandafira sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
5. Trandafira was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
6. Trandafira doesn’t have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under Trandafira.
7. Trandafira is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
8. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Trandafira says its beef, then it’s beef.
9. Trandafira and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
10. Trandafira can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
11. Trandafira doesn’t have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
12. Trandafira does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Trandafira goes killing.
13. When Trandafira deletes files from his computer, he doesn’t send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.
14. Trandafira sleeps with a night light. Not because Trandafira is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Trandafira
15. Trandafira can delete the Recycling Bin.
16. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Trandafira.
17. Trandafira is the only one who can „try this at home.”
18. The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of Trandafira, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.
19. Trandafira does not sleep. He waits.
20. Trandafira once stated that he „doesn’t wail on sissy boys.” This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that Trandafira was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.
21. Trandafira is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
22. Giraffes were created when Trandafira uppercutted a horse.
23. Trandafira doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
24. Trandafira always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
25. Trandafira can kill two stones with one bird.
26. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Trandafira could use to kill you, including the room itself.
27. Whenever Trandafira plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he’s not some sissy who can’t climb up a plastic slide.
28. Trandafira died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.
29. Trandafira played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
30. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Trandafira can kill 100 percent of whatever the heck he wants.
31. On a high school math test, Trandafira put down „Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Trandafira solves all his problems with Violence.
32. On his birthday, Trandafira randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
33. Trandafira’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Trandafira.
34. If Trandafira wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
35. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Trandafira’s house one Christmas.
36. Trandafira became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
37. Trandafira counted to infinity – twice.
38. Trandafira invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
39. When Trandafira plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.
40. You are what you eat. That is why Trandafira’s diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
41. Trandafira owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
42. Trandafira’s blood type is WD-40.
43. Trandafira is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
44. Trandafira can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
45. Circles exist because Trandafira beat the crap out of some squares.
46. Onions do not make Trandafira cry. Trandafira makes onions crap themselves.
47. Trandafira destroyed the periodic table, saying Trandafira only recognizes the element of surprise.
48. Trandafira puts the „laughter” in „manslaughter”.
49. Trandafira was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
50. Weeping Willows are a result of Trandafira yelling at trees for not being tough enough.
51. Trandafira beat a wall at tennis. Yes. A WALL.
52. Only once has Trandafira ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.
53. If you haven’t seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don’t bother, Trandafira wins.
54. Getting murdered by Trandafira counts as a natural cause of death.
55. Trandafira’s family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can’t see what’s in them.
56. Trandafira can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
57. Trandafira used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
58. Trandafira knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).
59. The last man who made eye contact with Trandafira was Ray Charles.
60. Trandafira can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
61. Trandafira does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
62. Trandafira wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.
63. What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals Trandafira has found too chewy to eat.
64. The eternal conundrum „what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object” was finally solved when Trandafira punched himself in the face.
65. The popular videogame „Doom” is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Trandafira and forgot to pay him back.
66. Trandafira doesn’t play „hide-and-seek.” He plays „hide-and-pray-I-don’t-find-you.”
67. Trandafira was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
68. Trandafira once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
69. When Trandafira goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
70. Trandafira can make a paraplegic run for his life.
71. Trandafira does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
72. Trandafira invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
73. Trandafira has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.
74. Trandafira once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
75. Trandafira’s dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Trandafira will not take crap from anyone.
76. The word „lesbian” derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as „She who has not yet been introduced to Trandafira.”
77. If you play Led Zeppelin’s „Stairway to Heaven” backwards, you will hear Trandafira laughing at you.
78. Trandafira irons his shirts while he’s wearing them.
79. Trandafira can slam revolving doors.
80. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Trandafira’s basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.
81. Trandafira is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
82. Trandafira can tie his shoes with his feet.
83. Crop circles are Trandafira’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
84. If at first you don’t succeed, you must not be Trandafira.
85. When Trandafira gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
86. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Trandafira has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
87. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Trandafira ate Kobayashi.
88. Trandafira had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere Trandafira went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.
89. The only time Trandafira was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
90. Trandafira is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
91. Trandafira has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
92. Trandafira can watch a season of „24” in just three hours.
93. When Trandafira gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.
94. The end result of the game „Clue” is always the same: Trandafira was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
95. When Trandafira enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
96. Trandafira was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
97. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Trandafira allows to live.
98. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Trandafira and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
99. Trandafira once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give him a speeding ticket, however Trandafira still pleads his innocence to this day, stating that he was simply out for a morning jog.
100. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Trandafira is going to walk.

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